Author: Trevor Fernandez
I remember sitting in my bed, blinds drawn shut midday for another consecutive day. I felt numb, was not motivated and had no will to leave or do anything. I wished I could just fade away and not have to deal with life and the highs and lows that came with it. I had just ended a long-term relationship and had never felt so alone. I was still living at home, so my family were constantly around, checking in to support me, ask how I was doing, if I was going to do anything today. It all felt so repetitive and dull. I remember being trapped in my own thoughts for majority of that time and I eventually arrived at the conclusion that I may be depressed. I didn’t know if what I was going through was normal. I recalled doing a Beyond Blue online test and getting a positive result for potentially experiencing depression, so I mustered up the courage to tell my parents.
When I mentioned it to them this was the response I got. “You aren’t depressed, you’re just going through a rough break up. It’s normal to feel sad or alone after going through what you have” Were they right? Was I just being overly sad? Do I not have the fortitude to deal with this? Am I weak? So much was going through my head.
Fast forward to the present. The reason I wanted to share the above experience with you all is it was a defining moment in my mental health journey. It was at this point, seeking professional help may have been the best thing for me with the support of my family around me. Now I don’t blame my parents for this happening, quite the opposite because without proper education around mental health and depression how could they know any better? This is where I’ve chosen to take a stand and become an ambassador for more education and transparency around what living with depression is like.
So, you’re probably wondering where does my love for cars fit into all of this? Well ever since I’ve been a young kid I’ve always wanted to be a race car driver. Now at 27 I get to escape into moments like this whenever I drive my Civic Type R. Once I got my Toyota 86 (the first car I’ve ever got brand new) onto a race track it all just clicked for me.
There’s something so satisfying about driving on a race track and trying to better your own Personal Best time. Each lap is a new chance to focus on only the next corner and string together that one perfect lap. The chase for perfection is what I really enjoy, and the Type R is the perfect platform for me to do it.
You can follow my adventures on this Facebook page, I’m always happy to reach out and have a chat. It covers a lot of thoughts between mental health and the car community as well. Looking forward too many more adventures with the Drive Against Depression community.